The more days I spend with my mother, the more I come to resent her. I don't know if I could ever full-blown hate her, it's against my nature. But coming to live with her, I see a side of her I was too young to remember seeing, and also too oblivious, before she left and I rarely saw her but once a week, bordering three years. When I came to live with my mother after the foreclosure on our house, I was worried. Mortified, maybe.

Now, I see why.

I damaged my mother's car, but far from totaled it. And despite the fact I know she has money under her wing... Or will be, if that's the case, she is pretty well forcing me to pay for all of it. However many thousands of dollars it will be because it had insurance to cover the building, not the car. She told me that I help her pay for it. Not that I pay every penny out of my own pocket in thousand-dollar increments. This very well sounds like what she is making me do. Which may not infuriate me... If I didn't know she had money coming. She's been throwing around checks over a hundred dollars like it's no big deal. Uh, yeah. She has money.

But what gets me most is the fact she's taking my car and making it hers. This is my car. A gift from my brother. All paid off, and a very nice car. He gave this car to me, with the intention for me to keep it. To have it. In my name. We were going to get a duplicate title, and have it in my name as a primary. Then get insurance, and I'd pay for every penny. It would be my car.

But suddenly, she decides to say. "Oh, when we get the title, we'll have it under my name. And we'll drop the insurance on my car and put it on this one and I'll drive it."

What the heck?

But it doesn't stop there. Then she proceeds to say.

"When we get my car fixed up, maybe I can give you that one."

UM.

NO.

First of all, it's when I get her car fixed up. Not when we, by what she implies. And since when does she think she can take and own what was given to me? And suddenly give me a junker? And not only that, she's been going on and on for days, practically blaming me and unable to get over it. As if it was my agenda to go and get in a wreck. I swear she's about ready to throw me out over this one thing.

Which brings me back to why I don't do anything, and have to wallow like some mangy little obedient puppy dog to her will. Because I have no place to go. If I'm kicked out, I'm kicked out. What I wouldn't give to be able to live with my dad... But he's living with my brother. Why can't a miracle happen, and he get a job that at least pays enough for us to get some shabby apartment somewhere? I don't care if it's in the most dangerous part of town. At least I'd be with him. And not this self-centered whore I call my mother. We're all just pawns in her big, loopy game. She talks the talk, but in the end, it's all just lip service. She doesn't care about anyone but herself. And I'm stuck here.

When will the suffering end?